Tears of a Raven
by Raven's secret-keeper
Summary: A poem in Raven's POV. If you hate Raven angst, then don't read this. If you do, read on. This one is really not my best at all, but it's sort of okay... Raven writes about how she hates having the dark life of a halfdemon and keeping it a secret.
1. Chapter 1

_This was originally a submission for a contest on another site._

_This poem is supposed to take place before all of the End of the World incidents happened. Meaning Raven hasn't told the others about her father, she still hates what she is, she feels so lost and alone, and she thinks that the others won't accept her for what she is._

_The "secret" is supposed to be her demonic heritage._

_It's definitely not my best – please don't judge my poetic skills by this poem! Unless you love it – then read my other poems and love them, too…_

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**_Tears of a Raven_**

What is this abnormality?

Something I alone should see?

For if others knew,

surely they would reject me.

- - - - -

It is with a heavy heart I say:

the true darkness in my heart should stay

in my knowledge alone,

forevermore as well as today

- - - - -

The way this world works is stunning

and constantly keeps my heart running

is this my truth,

fate's cruel humor and cunning?

- - - - -

I was created for evil and want to do good

I think and feel this secret should

be kept away,

or at least stay hidden behind my hood.

- - - - -

Hope is like a mental fire:

fears extinguish, good luck inspire

Mine? A dim light,

always about to expire

- - - - -

I was brought up in peace and love,

surrounded by flying wings of a dove.

But could this save me?

Only contain me: sides, below and above

- - - - -

My soul is a smooth black river stone

Seems to have luster, but inside rough and unshown

and it all seems better

if I can remain all alone

- - - - -

Controlling the secret's incredibly difficult,

my mind a battlefield in ever-lasting tumult.

Nothing will help,

not destroy the reason, no magic or occult.

- - - - -

I feel overwhelmed by a life of held-back tears.

Held back from my eyes by a life of true fears

of unleashing it,

contained in my body, mind, and soul for years.

- - - - -

I desperately search for a way out of reality

but I only succeed in being able to see

exactly how lost

I can truly be.

- - - - -

I try to push this pain away,

but there has never been a day

when I felt

as if I wasn't being led astray.

- - - - -

My soul is an eternal black

and I truly wish I could go back

to when I was young,

and my life was more intact

- - - - -

It burns me up from deep inside,

and kills me to know that I can't divide

the dark from the real

and there's not even a way to hide.

- - - - -

Call for help? I wish I could,

but in reality, there's no way I would.

I'd know it's futile…

I know this isn't the way I should…

- - - - -

Is there a way to heal this pain?

Can the lightning lead to cleansing rain?

The thunder passes on,

But the storm's wetness will always stay.

_**-The End-**_


	2. About the contest

_**Warning: **__If you saw the first round of Author Idol's comments and joined in about RavensShadow, you'll probably be doing some REAL eye-rolling… I'm that RavensShadow person. And I sort of rant a bit in this... Please don't think lowly of me for it!!!!_

About the contest that I entered this poem in… and a little background of the poem…

They called it "Author Idol." It was a contest on forums… a contest that gives me the chills and hatred and desolation every time I think about it… Why? To sum it up: They were being mean.

I didn't win. I didn't even move on to the second round. They called it emo and cliché, and I was basically attacked by two out of three of the judges for it… (I _really_ wasn't expecting that... I was more startled than offended at first...)

Cliché…? I've never seen a Raven poem that covered as much of her life as this one, and honestly, I think every poem should be labeled cliché if they're going to attack me for this! Just about every poem anyone's written is about love and pain… That's what poetry is, right…? Expressing yourself…? And especially Raven poem - they're _all_ cliche. Raven's jsut a poetic character. I don't think that the judges understand that poetry _is_ Raven. But it's not about the subject that should have mattered, it should have been about how talented the authors were. Here's a little excerpt from the argument I had with the judges, trying to fight for my point that it's not cliche...

_"Raven is a very poetic character. She has so many unique and useful qualities, but she's held back from so much by her father's influence. (Until the season finale, that is...) Now she's free, and that in itself can be so inspirational. Being as expressive as I am and with how much Raven's life is like a fairy tale, poetry just fits her. I know it's cliche, but what can you do? We have so many cliches in our language that I'm desperately trying to learn Japanese to escape them. Still we accept the cliches as actual language, and, in a way, poetry is a language itself. Here's another cliche: It should speak to the reader. "_

And emo… Where to begin…? Let's start here… I hate it when people call something emo just because it conveys some negative emotions… That's part of the reason I write those author's notes on just about every one of my poems that beg people to not say they're emo… The _last_ thing I want is to gain an emo rep… Second, the poem was through Raven's eyes, and Raven's not going to be writing a poem about how happy and perfect her life is, at least for the time period I picked to write this one from… Like I said, poetry is about expressing yourself and using your feelings, so how in God's name did they expect me to write a happy Raven poem? I mean, really, the only "optimistic" Raven poem I've ever seen was my own _Thank You_. Even her character… you just can't say that Raven's a happy-go-lucky person, and the way I see it, you write from your soul and let your character out onto the paper (or keyboard). And, come on! It's not like I claimed that she was slitting her wrists and trying to commit suicide or anything! All I did was convey her character… I'm so glad ravenslair recognized it as it was meant to be… I really appreciate it!

And then they went on to calling me emo for defending myself and not being content with the judgment. I spent almost an hour writing that thing, and I was so proud of myself back in that seventh grade study hall for actually writing a poem with rhyming, meter, and true emotions, not just the splintered feelings I used to pull out of the air… It was a major checkpoint for me… I had actually used real emotions, I really burrowed into my soul to write those words… and I realized that I wasn't just fooling myself into thinking that I could write poetry…

And emo is being immature and pathetic about something. How is defending yourself and trying to keep your reputation as a poet from going down the toilet silly and immature? Isn't it supposed to be mature when you can really defend yourself and stand up to others? Can someone please explain that to me…? Please?

I have to admit, it wasn't the best poem I've ever written – I wanted to save my best works for later rounds – but it's not like it was horrible… was it…? I've seen some really bad Raven poems, and I don't think this is one of them…

By the way, ravenslair, your review _really_ meant a lot to me. I can't thank you nearly enough!

And, Tiff4Raven201: About your review... Thanks!!! I think they're having it again, the admins said it's annual, just go to and find the forums link on the left, and search for Author Idol - if you have an account... If not, you need one to be able to post ANYthnig on that site. And no, I'm not entering again. The judges can't understand my style. (I even asked them if they minded if I wrote like Amy Lee - and they said it was fine.) God, that came out sounding so much meaner than I meant it to... Well, I'm still not reentering. The people who moved on were... cookie-cutters, I guess... They wrote things that I've seen everywhere else, there was nothing new... I guess the judges just don't read that much fanfiction... (Am I the only one who's seen Raven saying "It's not the end of the world" in more than five stories...?)

I can't recreate everything I said to the judges in that contest, but if you copy-n-paste this link into the URL (or a new window, and please be sure to get rid of those 3 spaces), then you might get a better understanding of my points... This is the link.

http:// forums. /viewtopic.php?p358787&highlight#358787

God, even now, about half a month later, it's infuriating... "You can't teach creativity." Am I the only noe who thinks so...?!?!?!?!

There ya go!

_Thank you** so** much for taking the time to read this and deal with my little rants, everyone,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_


End file.
